Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
