And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
