Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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