JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
