I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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