Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
