She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
