I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The best revenge is premature balding
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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