he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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