we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
