Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
