So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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