she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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