well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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