You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
