That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
