I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
