I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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