I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
