well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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