so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
