I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we should paint friendship bongs
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