I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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