Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
