My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
