I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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