The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
