Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
