I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize