I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
