Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
