Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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