Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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