haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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