On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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