the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
