please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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