Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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