Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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