alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
