You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now