You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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