He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.