I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
