finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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