I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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