if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
