dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
3pm strippers are depressing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
