david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
