I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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