Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
