The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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