The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
