what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
