I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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