I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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