He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
