I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your cock deserves a montage
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
