They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
