You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
