She announced her abortion via fbk
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
