Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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