Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What drink are we having for lunch?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
