after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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